This experience has been both eye
opening and rewarding. At first, I
thought this project would be a vehicle for getting to know Kitten and whomever
else I could meet before the end of the project. Not only have I met these incredible women,
but I have also had the opportunity to look at burlesque and the lifespan
through an academic lens that I may not have considered before. The most enjoyable experience would have to
be going to GlamourCon with Kitten. Not
only did we see a lot of interesting people, but also it gave me a glimpse of
how the business side of being a small time celebrity works. Being able to observe those interactions and
meet people are the most invaluable lessons a new girl could learn.
My biggest
challenge was spending eight hours with my grandmother yesterday. It is difficult to be faced with the fact
that not all people in older adulthood are as selfless and interested in
generativity as the ones I’ve spent most of my time with. Even further, it’s difficult to face the fact
that no matter how much effort you may put toward fostering a relationship,
some people are unable to attain that.
It was just as difficult to write about the experience, as it was to
live it because I want to help her and show her that happy people care about
more than just jewelry or their Christmas decorations. Unfortunately, I know that none of that
information will be received or understood in a way that is productive. I don’t know if I will ever be able to spend
time with my grandmother after what happened yesterday. Not because I am holding a grudge but because
I don’t see a way I can make those interactions better for myself without
equally hurting her feelings. I would
rather just be cordial and superficial.
I plan to
continue to spend time with Kitten. In
fact, we have plans to spend time with some other Russ Meyer girls as
well. This project gave me the courage
to make a dream and a hope I have had, into a reality. I doubt I would have been able to blindly
approach Kitten to spend time with me, unless I had the project to justify my
correspondence.
I have
learned so much about myself and I have had many doors open up to me in this
experience. This project has been a way
for me to sort through the different things and opportunities that have been
presented to me. I have definitely
struggled with whether or not I was cut out for the normal cultural script of
life for women. I don’t know if I’m interested in meeting a guy and putting my
dreams on hold to raise kids and be married.
In the spirit of honesty, I would like to meet a guy. This experience has exposed me to the lives
of women who have completely disregarded the cultural script and live happy
fulfilling lives. Sometimes, living off
the beaten path is the only way to find the happiness that you desire. I have come to realize that I may not be cut
out for conventional life and that is ok.
I have
learned that I am not that different from the older adults that I have spent
time with. Sometimes it is hard to
picture these “old people” were ever young or exciting. That is the most interesting realization of
all. By spending time getting to know what
they were like when they were my age, I can get an idea of what I might be like
at 64 or 80. It has also shown me the
consequences that ensue when you mix up your priorities.
This
assignment has forced me to take an in depth look at what is really important
in life and which trajectories will take you to what finish line. I am eternally grateful for the opportunity
and the lessons I have learned over the last 3 months.
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